Looking back at 2010

Another year has gone by and with it a canvas of treasured moments created unforgettable memories for us.

Among the many wonderful things that occurred this year: Lukas turned 3, developed a passion for all things Superman, and expanded his vocabulary (which has been so much fun for all of us to witness). In true teenage fashion, Cristian got behind the wheel a lot more, let his hair grow longer than he ever has, and experienced his first Austin City Limits via a press pass. Juan continued to excel at work and once again participated in his NFL fantasy leagues (as did Cristian).

The year also contained some hard times for us including the loss of our pregnancy. As sad as this was, it was only a foreshadow to the most monumental news: I would no longer be able to bear another child. It was a difficult year in this regard, but overall it was an a very blessed and happy 2010.

Some of my favorites memories of 2010 were as follows:
1. Receiving a text from Vanesa (Lukas' teacher) to notify me that the wee man had gone potty.
2. Crisitan telling me he made co-editor of the year-book staff. Then later telling me he had chosen to instead take the helm of the newly created school paper as its editor-in-chief.
3. Dancing with and being held by Juan at Maneja Beto's send off gig at the Mohawk.
4. Watching Lukas climb onto his own bed to call it a night -- instead of sleeping with mommy and daddy.
5. Singing and laughing with Cristian all the way home on our drive from Dallas.
6. Watching Cristian "command" his news staff at a football game at House Park Field.
7. Watching Lukas paint and learning that painting really calms him.
8. The "She just started crying" Cristian moment at Burger Stadium.
9. Lukas becoming a great little photographer!
10. Laying in bed late on Dec. 30th recounting with Juan our favorite moments of 2010 -- and in our life together.

And now that we're done looking back...it's time to focus on all the blessings and great times that 2011 has in store for us!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

17 years ago today....

... I was sitting in one of my journalism classes at the University of Texas at Arlington with a round belly, taking a mid-term exam when I suddenly went into labor. I finished the test and drove myself back to Dallas. Many hours later (many, many, many hours later) my beautiful child was born at Parkland Hospital.

At 6:55 p.m., Thursday, November 4, 1993 Cristian Elijah SantaCruz Reynoso came into the world weighing in at 8 lbs. 1.2 ounces and measuring 21 1/2 inches long.

It was a difficult delivery in which both my life and his were at serious risk. Neither one of us gave up. Though the birth was natural and free of drugs, I was heavily medicated after the baby's arrival meaning I wouldn't be able to hold my newborn until the doctors felt it was safe for me to do so.

A day had passed and I still hadn't seen my baby boy so I asked to be wheeled to the nursery so that I could see and hold him. When I arrived he was snuggled in the nurse's arm, drinking a bottle. She told me he was a very good and calm baby, that he was doing well and placed him in my arms. He was amazing!

The next day I was eager to once again feel his warmth. In two days since his arrival my bundle of joy had yet to make a personal appearance in my room.

I'd watched the girl who shared my room feed and hold her baby girl -- and even watched the two sleep. But I couldn't do the same with mine.

On the second day after his birth, I heard a small cry outside my room door and down the hallway. I told my roommate,"That's my baby!". But she kindly said that I was just missing my baby, to calm down and wait for the nurse to tell me when I'd get to see my son again. But I thought, "this girl has no idea what she is saying!". The cry outside —though I'd never heard before— was MY cry. I knew from the depth of my soul this was a cry I'd heard in my dreams.

I got out of bed, walked out to the hallway and saw a wheeled-tray of four or so babies. Only one was crying. As I approached them, my heart beat stronger. I got near the baby that was crying and saw his hospital band on his small foot. It read: SantaCruz boy. He was mine!!!

A nurse quickly reappeared and asked me to return to my room, and I did. I waited patiently, happily for my little critter. But I never forgot that moment that has forever captured what our relationship would be: an unbelievable, unbreakable and magical bond.

Today, my baby boy is a young man full of talent and possibilities.

He's strong, gentle, witty, smart and brave.

He's done all that I'd hope he'd do so far -- and a lot more that he's hoped for himself and achieved all on his own.

He often surprises me. Yet I can never stop worrying.

I know that I'm a better person because of him.

Happy birthday Nene!

Cristian with the band, Portugal the Man at ACL 2010.


Cristian with buddy Marrisa Camarillo (love her!)


One of Cristian's doodles:


Me and my baby!


C:

Lukas the photog

Click here to view these pictures larger

The wee man is three

I can't believe it's been three whole years. But the candles on the cake don't lie.

As I sit here on the eve of my baby boy's birthday and look at the photo above of him at the tender age of 1 month-old, my mind drifts to five years ago when I thought I could never love another child with the same intensity and immediacy that I felt for Cristian.

I use to look at parents with more than one child and wonder how they succeeded to love more than one child as much as I loved my one and only. In my mind, it seemed impossible to have so much emotion to share with multiple children. Surely, I thought, parents weren't honest when they said they loved their children equally.

But on September 26, 2007 I learned what so many parents knew before me: the love of a mother is limitless and it grows beyond imagination. As was the case when I first heard Cristian's cry so many years before, I instantly fell in love with Lukas when my eyes first fell upon him -- bloody, messy, wrinkly and all.

It's amazing to have this little person's laughter fill the house with so much happiness; or that his explorations can quickly replace a tired frown into a genuine smile of gratitude (a smile that thanks God and the Universe for allowing us such a miracle).

Unlike his brother, this wee one is feisty. He is the living definition of a "terrible two", and maybe even a "terrible three" (keep your fingers crossed for us that he isn't). And yet, he is at the same time sweet and adorable with his convictions. I know that he will be a great kid, a neat pre-teen, an awesome teen and an incredible man, just like his big brother.

I know that those stages will quickly come and go. For now, I hold tight to his toddler years as though they are the last drink of water on a lifeboat surrounded by only ocean. I know that I will someday be thirsty for these days again, and unless I take them in slowly, I'll miss them all.

Instead of missing them, I embrace each passing moment. I cherish the fact that even though he'll be three, my little tyke still refuses to use the potty. Yep. That's right. Mr. Lukas is still not potty trained (anyone with suggestions/advice are welcomed to share such precious knowledge below).

What makes up for little frustrations like the potty-less wonder and the still occasional tantrums? His smile; his laughter; the way he says,"Mommy, look at me!" with such pride; the way he likes to wear his daddy's shoes around the house, even though they're more likely to trip him than help him; the way he adores his big brother; the way he searches to touch my face before falling asleep; the way he says, "I love you mommy".

I wouldn't change a thing about my little Lukas, even when he's been a terrible two.

So, while I will most definitely wish the wee man a happy birthday on his special day, I will also take a moment to thank God for granting me the honor to raise two beautiful boys, including this gorgeous hippie-hair child of mine!


Here's the little guy being a little trouble maker, making daddy chase him after "stealing" daddy's cap! (He kept running so fast, I can't believe I even got this picture... but it's one of my faves)



Lukas loves being tossed up in the air:



Below are two pictures of Lukas taken in June during a visit to his favorite place: Zilker Park.

Peace...

Peace: it’s a loaded word; a loaded concept; and from the looks of this world, an unattainable philosophy.

What brings me to even talk about such a word? Well, the other day, I received a tweet that said something to the effect of, “let peace fill your thoughts today”…. or something along those lines.

Being a perpetual student of life, I chose to immediately put those wise words into practice. I began thinking of peaceful places; peaceful images; peaceful people… and as often occurs when I start to think, my thoughts took on a life of their own, and suddenly they stopped dead in their tracks when they came across the phrase: “All is fair in love and war”.

I stopped; let the words really take form and I then began to feel sick.

All I could do was ask: “Really? Who was the idiot who coined this idiom?”

No wonder our world is in such turmoil.

To suggest that it is “honorable” or “in your right” to be manipulative, deceitful, and just plain rotten in the name of love, country or faith is counter to the ideas of humanity, patriotism and religion, in my opinion.

Why would anyone believe in a God who asked people to treat their neighbor unfairly?

Why would anyone trust in a land led by men who can’t see the right for all men to live life with dignity?

Why would anyone accept in their lives someone who gave them a foundation of lies?

For me, stumbling across this phrase made me realize that this is exactly what I don’t want to teach my children.

Instead, I want them to have the tools to be a part of a group that sees pride in country as taking care of its countrymen; to a accept that our God is a God who loves unconditionally; and I want to make sure that when they choose their life mate, it is because that person will honor and love them in return.

The sick get weary

This week has been pretty tiring. I was out most of the week taking care of the little one. Lukas had pneumonia along with two ear infections. Needless to say, he wasn't a happy camper.

So, what was the upside to this week, at least for me? I'm finally "mommy". Though Lukas on occasion still calls me "G" (a name he apparently thought was appropriate for ALL moms), he mostly calls me mommy now. YAY.

Along with mommy, Lukas has developed an extensive vocabulary, and bilingual at that. It's really cute to hear him repeat something in Spanish if he feels you didn't understand him in English the first few times he wants something, like a bath at 3 p.m. on a Saturday afternoon.

As for Cristian: he had a very bumpy start of the school year - and while it's not as pretty as I'd like it to be for him, this semester he seems to be doing better. Let's just hope he finds that rhythm to get back where we all know he needs to be.

Proudest moment so far: his choosing to drop football for a journalism class -- one in which, I may add, that he is exceeding.

For the moment, here's a snapshot of Lukas taken by his teacher at school last month: